I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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