I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
