did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
