i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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