When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
