ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
