She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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