i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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