My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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