Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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