so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
