I look better un-naked...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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