just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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