So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't notice because vodka
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
