you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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