so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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