I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
