did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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