Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
