I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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