So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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