I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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