You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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