So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
