Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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