Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
