***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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