he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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