There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
