so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
