I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
