i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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