how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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