You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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