i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I want is dick and wine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
