just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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