I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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