Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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