Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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