I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
