Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
