The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
