Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
