I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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