He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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