is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
