and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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