I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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