i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
