Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
