you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
