You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
