So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
