why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
