Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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