That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
