So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
