2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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