They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
