I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
