I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
