we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
zippers are such a cool invention
We got so high we made milksteak
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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