I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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