some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You need Xanax blowdarts
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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