how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
