dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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