East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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