Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
