i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
