It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
