It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
