matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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