so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
