you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
