Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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