so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Come see our sink grown plant.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
