I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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