maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
