I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're a waste of cheezeits
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
